Home & Family

Don’t Tell Me to Let it Go, Show Me How to Surrender

Kristina Fortune
By Kristina Fortune

If you’ve ever struggled with infertility, you’ve undoubtedly had well-intentioned friends and family members tell you to “relax, just let it go, it’ll happen when you stop trying.”

If I hear that one more time I might punch a donkey in the face.

(Okay, not really, I love donkeys and abhor violence, but still.)

surrender let go infertilityI have an exceedingly loud ego, and telling it to “let go” is like poking a wasp nest with a stick. You’re asking for trouble, buddy.

You see, after struggling for years to get pregnant and then having multiple miscarriages, the topic of motherhood is a colossal sore spot for my ego (and heart). As much as I’ve tried to usher in a tiny human to join our family, it JUST. ISN’T. HAPPENING.

Despite all of my efforts, I can’t seem to make this dream come true.

I’ll say that again: I can’t seem to MAKE this dream come true.

Part of me wants to have a baby so desperately that I’ve turned this process from a miraculous, joyful one into a controlled, fear-driven one. My ego thinks that with enough effort it can micro-manage the universe into giving me what I want when I want it…AKA a baby, right now. Chop chop.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, ego, but life isn’t a drive-thru. You don’t place your order at the window and minutes later get exactly what you want. Sometimes, the timing isn’t right to enjoy what you’ve asked for. Sometimes, what you think you want isn’t what’s best for you. Perhaps something better, something you can’t even imagine, is meant to come along instead.

The universe knows what’s best for you. Until you relinquish control, you’ll continue to fight against the current, wasting time and energy pushing toward a destination that isn’t intended for you.

Yes, you’re the captain of your vessel, but you don’t control the tide. Lift up your oars and go with the flow.

surrender let go infertilityIn other words, relax, let it go.

Ah, the dreaded phrase. After everything I’ve been through on my path to motherhood, I can honestly say there is truth in these words. My issue hasn’t been accepting that I need to relax and let go, it’s been an issue of HOW.

How do I surrender? How do I let it go? How do I shift to a new path of allowing rather than controlling?

I recently discovered the answer, and it’s simpler than your ego would lead you to believe.

You simply choose to surrender.

For me, it happened while I was having a heart-to-heart with an intuitive healer who simply held space for me to express how I truly felt. It went something like this:

This isn’t working, but I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to give up control even though I’m ready to. I want to. I just don’t know how to! Show me how and I’ll do it.

Then, in a half lighthearted, half dead-serious plea to the universe, I declared:

I’m open. Do your thing.

surrender let go infertilityWithout realizing it, I basically told the universe ‘thy will be done’ — the classic statement of total surrender. I fully stepped aside to let God/The Universe/The Divine take over and do what I couldn’t do for myself.

The minute I said these words, the healer and I both felt an immediate shift. The room was buzzing. I was lighter. It was like I’d taken off a heavy cloak and tossed it to the ground, finally free of its burden. It was a powerful and humbling experience that instantly shifted my perspective and my path forward.

I’m done forcing what can’t be forced. My ego might still put up a fight, and that’s okay. Anytime I feel the urge to control something, I now have a mantra to lean on: I’m open. Do your thing. It’s my way of passing the baton to a greater power that knows what I need in any given moment and that always has my back.

I trust that all will be well. I surrender. Do your thing, universe.

Kristina Fortune
I'm a copywriter and editor by day, a spiritual/self-help junkie at night. I'm part MBA-grad, part amateur Reiki practitioner. Things I love: learning, holistic everything, writing for fun and for my clients, cats (I have 3 rescued fur babies), and my dorky-sweet husband. As a former professional organizer, I am passionate about inspiring others to let go of the physical, mental, and emotional clutter that can zap the joy out of life. I'm all about simplicity, being present in the moment, and treating yourself and others with kindness.

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