I always have my walls up. Even after a decade, I have my walls up. I keep them up to protect me and now to protect my family.
After 10 years, I’ve started to think my past is my past and maybe, just maybe, he will not come back or the mention of him will finally go away.
But I think once you survive it, it never really goes away, not all the way.
I’ve always feared I would get a call one day saying he finally went too far and he was facing murder charges and I would be called to testify and show his abusive past. Luckily, this was not the call but it was a call that would bring up my past once again.
One of his ex’s, which whom he has his first son with, is now having to fight for custody of their child. While they go through the proceedings, his abusive past comes up and my name is brought up. I’m contacted to tell what my relationship was like with him. I have to start at the beginning and go through the 7 years of hell out loud again, describing everything.
I haven’t talked out loud about the abuse in a few years and I have to literally keep telling myself to breathe, relax but the words come out and I can almost feel everything all over again.
It infuriates me that I have to relive this, but I get even more upset knowing he hasn’t changed and that he’s responsible for two boys now. He had multiple chances to change, get help, be better and instead he has done nothing and continues to abuse the women in his life.
I had no problem giving my story in hopes to protect that little boy. His mother is hard working and has done everything to protect him and I can’t imagine being in her shoes. But as a mother, I understand protecting your child. I would do anything, ANYTHING, for my daughter.
I’m not sure if I’ll have to do anything else or talk to anyone else but I told them I’m more than happy to help. I was lucky; I never had a child so I have no physical ties to him.
10 years ago I finally left, I finally said no more and 10 years later, he is still here but I continue to say no more and now I’m not scared.