I Choose Love
Have you ever heard love is an action? What does this mean? We are so used to Hollywood’s counterfeit love that it can be confusing to know how to recognize love and to know how to express love. Believe me, this coming from a girl that grew-up hooked on soap operas and I had to reprogram my thinking when it came to love, romance, and commitment. So many of us have stories where love has been distorted and perverted.
I was so afraid of love that I chose poorly. I was afraid to choose love. Fear kept me from the real deal. Fear lied to me every time I turned around about myself and the relationship I was in. Fear told me I deserved less than. Fear told me I was less than. When fear chooses someone for you, they are going to be the wrong person. Fear likes to meet the wounded’s needs, not the whole person’s needs. Fear is about instant gratification of an emotional need.
My wound was my parent’s divorce at the age of 6 and their failed relational choices that followed. The rejection and abandonment I felt sent me searching for someone to show me I had worth and acceptance. Fear drove me right into the arms of self-centeredness and wounded young men, which perpetuated my issues of abandonment and feeling devalued.
Love is the opposite of fear. It does not lie to you. It lets you know your worth. It lifts you, not in a temporary high kind of way, but a continually building you up way. Love lingers through anything. It accepts you. Love isn’t a magical feeling that you get from somebody. Love is when someone chooses to show you your worth. Love fights for you.
Love found me when I chose love and not fear.
I had to believe I had worth first, or self-love. It doesn’t matter what others do or say to us. When we believe we have worth, we stop listening to fear and stop choosing fear options that diminishes our worth.
My husband chose me long before I was ready to choose him or even felt worthy to be chosen. He saw me, chased me, served me, even though he was getting nothing in return. Love never gives up. It is worth fighting for. He saw my worth and was willing to do whatever it took. We have been married 10 years and he is still doing whatever it takes and fighting for our marriage. I want to clarify we are not perfect. We do try our best to respond with love.
When my husband sees me not believing in myself, he speaks courage into me. When I am moody and irritable, he is patient and gracious to me. When I am hurtful, he chooses to forgive me. I would not trade these gestures and more for the quick and sappy version of love we see in the movies. Those are momentary feel goods but I choose and encourage the long-lasting committed love. Fear settles for short-term warm and fuzzies out of desperation. Love chooses and grows out of determination.