A Love Letter
I’m sorry I was angry.
I was angry because I wake up with Z every morning and make him breakfast so you can sleep in, even if you don’t really sleep at all. I was angry because I felt like I was carrying the heavy load all by myself. I was angry because you said you would watch Z while I went to my friend’s shower, but then it seemed like it was such a chore for you – so I drove an extra 40 miles so you could have an hour to yourself. I was angry because their nursery was done and perfect and ours is not – even though Z is closer to his second birthday than his first. I’ve always said it doesn’t bother me. I was angry because their life seems so much more put together than ours, even if it really isn’t.
I was angry when you wanted to spend time with your friends on Xbox rather than spending the evening with me – and hurt when you said that’s what you wanted to do after a long day – even though I understood.
I am thankful you watch Z so I can go running on Saturday mornings. I am thankful you will take care of him if I have to work late. I am thankful you mow the lawn and take out the trash and all of the other chores I don’t want to do. I am thankful you make me laugh even on my hardest days and I am thankful you still love me even when I am not the best version of myself. I am thankful you think I am prettier without makeup. I am thankful you tell me to take care of myself, relax and not worry – even if I am terrible at all of those things – you still remind me. I am thankful you’ll eat whatever I cook for dinner, even if it isn’t very good.
I am amazed at what you can build with old scrap pieces of wood; creating something beautiful from something someone might consider trash. I am amazed with how you can teach yourself something with step-by-step instructions that may take someone else months and months to learn. I am amazed by how you make it seems so easy and how you make everything okay. I am amazed at what makes you tick – I am still trying to discover it.
I love your laugh lines and all of the good memories they hold. I love how you sometimes reach for my hand when I don’t expect it. I love how you continue to surprise me, even after all of these years have flown by. I love how smart you are. I love it how you I love how your eyes smile along with your lips. I love how you love our child. I love you for more reasons than I can count – and oh, how I have tried!
I picked up some of your favorite cookies when I was at the grocery store. They are in the cabinet where they always are. If you remember, please try not to leave your napkin in the dirty milk glass…
I love you – then and now – and always will.