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Redesigning Your Life

Wendy Perry
By Wendy Perry |Watauga, Texas

Have you redesigned your life? If you’re like me, you’ve redesigned your life many times. Sometimes we redesign our lives by choice. Life redesigned by choice is exhilarating and exciting. It’s embarking upon a great adventure and challenge of our own choosing. I’m a huge Madonna fan, not because of her music but because she has boldly redesigned herself so many times. Several times throughout my life I have said out loud, “Time to ‘Go Madonna’ and redesign myself.”

But when we’re forced to redesign our lives due to the actions of others, it is anything but exhilarating and exciting. Being forced to redesign your life due to the actions of others can be daunting and depressing.

What are some unwanted things that can force you to redesign your life?

Break Up or Divorce – CHECK!

Loss of Employment – CHECK!

Financial Devastation – CHECK!

“Been there, done that” and “Got the T-shirt” on all 3 of the above!

When you’re happy or content and someone else forces you to redesign your life, it often feels unfair and infuriating. It’s like when you were little, and you spent hours painstakingly building the perfect block tower. It was just the way you wanted it. Perfect. Then some jerk or bully came over and knocked it all down into a big pile of rubble. You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream. You wanted to know, “Why???” You thought about trying to rebuild it exactly the way it was before, but you knew you couldn’t. You knew no matter how hard you tried to rebuild it, it would never be exactly the same as it was before.

When someone forces you to redesign your life, [...] take the opportunity they've given you to recreate your life to have more meaning than it had before.What do you do when your life is a pile of rubble due to the actions of someone else? Having been faced with that pile of rubble several times, I can say for certain that there is a grief process to go through. Without a doubt, when this happens, you have suffered a tremendous loss – the loss of your life as you knew it! You might have had an inkling that this was going to happen, or you might be in complete shock. You might feel angry. You might feel depressed. You might try to negotiate with the person who knocked over your perfect block tower of life to see if they will repair some of the damage – this very rarely works because you will most likely never really trust them again. Eventually you will get to the most important part of the process; acceptance. Then you will have to make the most important decision in the process; how to redesign your life. When you’re in this part of the process, remember that this is an opportunity to redesign your life however YOU want it to be! If you have a devastating break up or divorce, maybe you want to redesign your life to include only healthy relationships. If you lose your job, maybe you want to redesign your life to do something you always dreamed of doing that is entirely different from what you were doing before. If you suffer financial devastation, I encourage you to buy a good pair of tennis shoes, a basketball and some board games. “What in the world is she talking about,” you might be wondering?! From now on, your entertainment is going to be spending time (not money) with friends and family, taking long walks and hikes, shooting hoops in various places where you find basketball nets, and playing board games. You’re going to go back to enjoying the simple pleasures in life that cost little to no money. You’re going to see that happiness doesn’t come from buying expensive things or extravagant outings or eating expensive meals out every night. Remember… “Been There, Done That, Got the T-shirt!” Trust me on this one! 😉

There’s no time frame or time limit on redesigning your life. You might choose to make drastic changes instantly or you might choose to carefully craft a redesign plan that could take weeks, months, or years. If you prefer the latter, I highly recommend “The 5 Journal: Where Will You Be Five Years From Today?” Somebody knocked my block tower down about ten years ago and I was sick of having my blocks knocked down by other people. I wanted to make a real plan to redesign my life. This journal was inspirational, motivational and practical. After I completed it, I tucked it away and actually forgot about it. I found it a few years ago and discovered that I really had redesigned my life as I had outlined it in the journal! I had even written a description of the man I wanted to meet someday, “a partner” I called him in the journal. The description of that man IS my husband Rob! Although Rob doesn’t look quite like the stick figure I drew of him in the journal, haha! By the way, on our first date, Rob said he was looking for “a partner.” True story!

Most of us know someone who had their blocks knocked down and they chose to not redesign their life at all. To this day, they still just sit there looking at the pile of rubble in disbelief and despair. That is another choice you can make. Promise me you won’t make that choice! Please choose to redesign your life! Make your redesign whatever you want it to be! Maybe you want to redesign your life to be colorful and loud. Maybe you want to redesign your life to be soft and serene. When someone forces you to redesign your life, grieve the loss of your old life if you need to and then take the opportunity they’ve given you to recreate your life to have more meaning than it had before.

By the way, somebody knocked my perfect tower of blocks down a few weeks ago… AGAIN! Time to “Go Madonna” and redesign myself… AGAIN!

If you “Go Madonna” and redesign everything about yourself, I want to hear about it! You can contact me through www.targetparent.com.

Wendy Perry
Wendy Perry |Watauga, Texas
Wendy Perry As an alienated parent, Wendy Perry became motivated to bring awareness and education about parental alienation out of the darkness. Her advocate work has included coordinating and hosting support group meetings, the annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day event...Read More
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