With the NFL kicking off its season, one thought struck as I opened my weary eyes. It’s September already? Didn’t we just make – and ultimately break – our New Year’s resolutions?

As a kid, I always had to wait for things. Whether it was summer vacation, Christmas, my birthday, getting my driver’s license…it always seemed it take forever for time to pass to get to whatever time I wanted it to be.

Now, after turning 50 in January, it seems time passes too quickly. I read recently that when we’re kids, the reason time passes slowly is because everything is new to us. We don’t have a reference for it so our brain makes note of every detail as it happens. As we age, everything becomes familiar and routine so we almost never acknowledge it. Never thought about it that way but it makes sense.

This past weekend, I commemorated the 10th anniversary of my best friend’s passing. It got me to thinking of all the twists and turns that have happened since that fateful day in 2011 and how I survived what I thought was insurmountable at the time. Of course, Facebook triggered the thoughts when a post I made as it was happening showed in my memories. It its simplicity, it put me back in a time and place where my life, and the people in it, would change forever.

The post read I am “not equiped to handle all that is happening right now. I know I will wake up from this nightmare any minute. Please God!”

At first blush, it may not seem there is anything revealing or telling about the statement but the first sign of the trauma I was in at that time is the misspelling of the word “equiped.” Why is it so significant? Because as a journalist by trade and degree, I don’t allow that to happen. If I re-read a post and notice any kind of error, I immediately go back and edit it. I have to or my brain hits a speed bump and it’s all I see.

Not this day, though. Not this time.

Sitting on that cold bathroom floor where I tried to make sense of the senseless and struggled to understand what a paramedic meant by “he’s not responding…he’s gone,” I didn’t worry about spelling. I didn’t worry about corrections that needed to be made. I worried about how to live life without someone who was a constant part of my life for the better part of 10 years.

I’d like to tell you what exactly happened in the hours that followed that post but I only remember bits and pieces and none of it is particularly good. What I do know is that I found a way to make it through each day by putting one foot in front of the other. I credit my mini-dachshund with helping me do that. Had she not needed walking three times a day, I likely would’ve staying in bed and not moved a muscle until the sadness went away.
On a positive note, think I’ve done pretty well these past 10 years but maybe I just found a way to navigate the darkness and find the brightest light I could. Time doesn’t really heal as much as it gives you a chance to get further away from the pain of the moment and look at it from a different perspective.
A colleague who learned of my struggles recently sent me a message to let me know he had added me to his daily devotionals. He also said, “ALWAYS remember, God loves you and I love you, and you are an amazing person.”
My cup does indeed runneth over.