I wish I could blame the Super Moon, but I think most of the fault falls on me when I Flip My Lid.

It was a short time ago, the night before that massive and gorgeous moon made its glorious appearance. My family had made some dinner plans at my LEAST favorite spot. I’m gluten sensitive and this place literally has zero options. So I’m always left to either not eat, bring something in from somewhere else or eat before we go. I opted to eat beforehand, because I knew I’d get all kinds of looks and snarky comments from certain people at the table if I brought something in. Plus, I just hate being “That Girl”! The girl who has dietary restrictions and comes off as super high maintenance.

Despite the fact that I’d had some food and wasn’t going to be hangry, I was less than social as I sat through this dinner. A few people even picked up on it and asked if I was tired. I mustered a smile and said, “No, it’s just been a long day.” But really, I was pouting about the fact that no one had picked up on the fact that every. single. time we come here, Michelle doesn’t eat. Not one person took the time to ask themselves, or even me, if maybe we should try a new celebratory restaurant for special occasions.

Add To That

When we got home from dinner, one of the kids had made a HUGE mess in the kitchen. This has been a consistent issue and being that I was already pretty grumpy, I stormed out of the kitchen to take a hot, quiet shower. That would help calm me down and maybe get me back to baseline.

I let the hot, steamy water wash over me and try to melt away my mood. I leaned over to get some shampoo and it, along with my conditioner, are nowhere to be found. The same guilty kitchen ‘messer upper’ was also the stealer of my hair care products. I grabbed my towel, stomped drenching wet to the bedroom door and yelled her name from the crack in the door. “DID YOU TAKE MY SHAMPOO???” “Oh yeah, sorry. I ran out and forgot to bring it back.” This pushed me to the point of no return. I had officially “Flipped My Lid”.

Social Emotional Lessons

I taught first grade for almost 8 years, and for about the last 3 or 4 of those eight years we were tasked with teaching our students ‘Social Emotional’ lessons. One lesson in particular always stood out to me and had become a starting point for all our SEL lessons.

We make our hand into a fist, with our thumb tucked inside/underneath our fingers. “This, boys and girls, is your brain! This part, where your four fingers are, is called our Prefrontal Cortex! This is our thinking brain. This is where we use logic and reasoning and make decisions. Now lift up your fingers and see your thumb hiding under there. This is called your Amygdala. This is our feeling brain. It’s where all our emotions live and when our prefrontal cortex is in its proper place, we can process our feelings through our thinking brain and make good decisions with those feelings.”

Flip Your Lid

“Have you ever had your brother or sister do something that just makes you Flip Your Lid? You get soooo mad that your thinking brain just flips open (flick up all four fingers for effect) and you are now only working with your feeling brain and that anger is so strong that you slam the door in your sister’s face and yell some really mean words at her. Has this ever happened to you?” (Lots of nodding heads)

“So when you feel like you’re about to Flip Your Lid, what are some ways that we could get our thinking brain back in its proper place so we can allow our Prefrontal Cortex to help us make better decisions when we have super strong feelings?” I heard things like take a deep breath, count to 10 and just walk away and find a place to be alone. All good answers but I think we can take it a step further since we are all big kids here!  

Tantrum Tamers

So how could I have better handled that situation? I’ve been doing some work and research around some of these very things lately and thought I’d share a few of the things I’ve learned with you all. We all need some tools in our Tantrum Tool Box, so that when we feel like we are about to Flip Our Lids, we can grasp for one of these and maybe prevent a blow up or two!

Try one, try them all. Start with one that seems easiest and most attainable to you or try one for a week and then try something new. You are the boss of this tool box! 

Sleep!

Sleep is the foundation of every single system in our bodies and when our sleep is less than stellar, it can have far reaching effects on our day, week and month if it goes south for too long. Here are some interesting facts about sleep….

    • Sleep deprivation hyperactivates the amygdala, your brain’s emotion center — making you more reactive and anxious.
    • REM sleep helps “unlink” negative emotions from memories, reducing emotional distress over time.
    • Poor sleep affects estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone balance, amplifying perimenopausal and menopausal symptoms.

So how can we improve our sleep? Well, I asked Chat GPT for the Top 10 Sleeping Tips and a 7-Day Sleep Optimization Plan. I’ve linked it here if you feel it might benefit your sleep! 

Just Breathe

My first graders even knew that taking a deep breath can get your amygdala back on line, but we are going to take it a step further. Box breathing is a technique that is a bit more intentional and will do an even better job than just taking a few deep breaths. In a pinch, it is better than nothing.

For Box Breathing, start by taking in a four count breath through your nose. Then hold that breath for another four counts, then blow it out slowly from your mouth for four counts and then hold your breath at the end of the exhale for another four counts. It can add even more benefit if you close your eyes and envision a box in your mind as you breathe. This will do an even better job of getting your Prefrontal Cortex back in its proper place so that you can find a more emotionally balanced response to those triggering moments. You can find videos with a compilation of several breathing exercises on YouTube.

Sensory Reset

This little trick is one that can be done quickly and within the privacy of your own mind. All you need are your senses. The easiest and most readily available are sight, sound and touch. Taste and smell can be tricky and maybe even counter productive. So take just a few minutes and find 5 things you can see. You could look for one color, you could just simply find five things and name them. Car, tree, dog, door, lamp. Or find one thing in the room and put all your focus on that thing for about 10 seconds. Noticing as many things as you can about that item. Its texture, its color, its difference in shades, etc.

Then move on to sound. Take a second to listen for the most far away sound you can hear and focus on it. What is it, how far away do you think it is? Now focus on a sound that is very close. It could be a clock, the buzz of the lights in the room, or even your own breathing. Listen to how it sounds in your ears, notice your chest rising and falling with each breath.

Finally, focus on touch. You can rub your fingertips together-taking time to notice all the ridges of each fingerprint, or just rest your hand on your leg and notice the feel of your clothes, or your skin or even the chair you may be sitting in. If you’re alone, the best option would be to cross your arms and rub your opposite arm with your opposite hands, up and down your arms for a few seconds. This is a great way to calm your nervous system. 

When In Doubt, Let It Out

Ignoring or pushing down these strong feelings just delays them temporarily. So start acknowledging and giving yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel. Instead of judging or shaming yourself, just admit the feeling and do your best to determine the source.

Next, find a way to get those feelings out. Write in a journal, or even in the notes on your phone, call a trusted friend, or find a quiet, private place to simply rant to yourself, take a walk in nature, go for a run and let those feelings fly as you pound the pavement. The University of California San Francisco created this document full of ways to regulate your emotions! 

Whether it’s the full moon, your nosey neighbor or your micromanaging boss, each day is layered with people, places and spaces that test our patience and push our buttons. The ability to manage these moments comes with practice and patience. Emotional regulation isn’t something you only call on in crises — it’s a skill you strengthen over time.  Having these tools in your Tantrum Tool Box, might bring us one step closer to being the Tamer of our Tantrums and the Master of our Emotions! Let’s show them who’s boss! 

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