For many of us, the word boundaries comes with emotional baggage.
It can sound harsh. Cold. Defensive. Like something you put up against people instead of with them.
So instead of setting boundaries, we soften. We over-explain. We say yes when we mean maybe. We absorb what isn’t ours to carry—because we value relationships, harmony, and being seen as capable.
I didn’t learn the value of boundaries in a training or a book. I learned it the moment I realized I was growing resentful toward people I genuinely cared about—without anyone ever asking me to overextend. That realization was unsettling. It forced an honest look at something many women quietly experience but rarely name.
Boundaries were never meant to be walls. They are wisdom.
How We Stay Connected Without Self-Betrayal
Healthy boundaries don’t push people away. They prevent quiet resentment, burnout, and emotional withdrawal.
When boundaries are absent, something else shows up instead:
• Frustration disguised as politeness
• Exhaustion masked as commitment
• Disconnection that looks like “I’m fine”
A boundary is simply the clarity that allows a relationship to stay honest.
The Cost of Being “Easy to Work With”
Many women were praised early on for being agreeable, flexible, dependable, and helpful. Those traits often turned into professional currency.
But over time, being “easy” can come at a cost:
• You become the default problem-solver
• Your availability becomes assumed
• Your silence becomes permission
Boundaries interrupt this pattern—not with confrontation, but with truth.
Clarify Expectations
Conflict doesn’t come from boundaries. It comes from unspoken expectations. When expectations stay hidden, people unknowingly disappoint one another. When boundaries are named, relationships gain structure and trust.
Clarity sounds like:
• “I can help with this, but not on that timeline.”
• “I’m not the right person for this, but I can suggest who is.”
• “I need to think about that before I commit.”
This isn’t withdrawal. It’s leadership.
Why Boundaries Feel So Uncomfortable
Boundaries feel risky because they require:
• Letting go of being liked
• Trusting others to handle honesty
• Believing your needs matter too
They challenge the belief that your value comes from how much you accommodate. But boundaries don’t make you less generous. They make your generosity sustainable.
A Reflection to Carry Forward
Ask yourself: Where am I being helpful at the expense of being honest? That question alone can begin to shift how you show up—in work, in relationships, and in your own life.
These days, I see boundaries less as something I set against others and more as something I practice for myself. They help me show up present, generous, and grounded—without the quiet resentment that used to sneak in when I ignored my own limits.
Boundaries aren’t walls you hide behind. They’re wisdom you lead with.
Connect with Michele on LinkedIn or read more of her articles on Plaid.
