The Freedom to Choose

Every July, we celebrate independence.

We celebrate freedom, self-determination, and the ability to chart our own course. That is part of what defines America – that if we want it and work for it, we can achieve. I love that pioneering spirit!

And our culture celebrates our independent women, too. The songs that come to mind are Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women,” Webbie’s “Independent,” and Ariana Grande’s “7 Rings.” These are some jams – “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it!”

A Different Kind of Freedom

But lately, I’ve been thinking about a different kind of freedom. It’s not the freedom that is defined as standing alone, being self-reliant, or being highly individualistic. It’s the freedom that comes from knowing you don’t have to.

This year, I made another significant career decision. I chose to walk away from a role that no longer aligned with my values. On the surface, that sounds bold, courageous, even. The truth is more nuanced.

Looking back, I realize I had spent years building confidence in my ability to navigate uncertainty.

Self-Efficacy

Psychologist Albert Bandura called this self-efficacy—the belief that we can successfully handle challenges and achieve our goals. According to Bandura, self-efficacy develops from four primary sources:

Our past successes
Observing others succeed (“if they can do it, I can do it”)
Encouragement from people we trust
Our ability to manage the emotions that come with difficult situations

Without realizing it, I had spent years building each of those foundations. I had successfully launched a consulting practice before. I had watched others create careers on their own terms. I had coaches, mentors, family, and friends encouraging me. And I had done the personal work necessary to understand my values and tolerate the uncertainty that comes with change.

The decision may have happened in a moment, but the confidence to make it was built over time, and I didn’t make the decision alone.

We often talk about independence as if it means needing no one. As if success belongs exclusively to the people who pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and figure everything out on their own. But some of life’s most meaningful choices are only possible because of the relationships, support systems, and foundations we’ve built along the way.

Principles

At the end of my notice period, something was gnawing at me. While my husband and I planned for me to quit – to go back to a life without a steady income stream, I didn’t know if I had disappointed him. Had I altered the life he thought we’d be living? What if I wasn’t the person he thought I was. The reason this came to mind was because I had a friend who wanted to quit working and her husband said, “When we got married, the understanding was that you’d work.” So, I asked my husband the question I didn’t really want to hear the answer to: Have I disappointed you? He said something I’ll never forget, “No, you haven’t disappointed me. When we got together, I knew you had principles.”

He wasn’t talking about money. He wasn’t talking about titles. He wasn’t talking about career advancement. He was talking about alignment – the ability to make decisions that reflect who we are, even when those decisions feel uncomfortable.

Interdependence

That conversation made me realize something important. The freedom I was experiencing wasn’t independence at all. It was interdependence.

It was the result of years spent building relationships, skills, trust, and confidence. It was having people around me who believed in me when I was questioning myself. It was having a partner who valued my principles more than my paycheck. It was having enough evidence from my own experiences to believe I could figure out what came next.

We often celebrate the people who appear to have done everything on their own, but some of life’s most meaningful choices become possible because of the support systems we’ve built along the way.

The strongest foundation isn’t self-reliance; It’s knowing when you can rely on others.

I recognize that not everyone has the same resources or support systems. Not everyone can walk away from a job that isn’t working. Not everyone has a financial cushion or a partner’s income to lean on.

That’s why I think freedom is something we build, not something we suddenly find.

We build it through relationships.
We build it through financial planning.
We build it through developing skills.
We build it through community.
We build it through the people who remind us who we are when we’re questioning ourselves.

As I reflected on my situation, I found myself returning to one question: If not now, then when?

There are moments when we know what we want, we know what we value, and we’ve done the work to prepare ourselves. The opportunity isn’t to act recklessly. The opportunity is to trust ourselves enough to act intentionally.

I think that’s the kind of freedom worth celebrating. It’s not independence from everyone around us, but the freedom to choose a life that reflects our values, supported by the people who help us become who we’re meant to be.