Guilt

Next week is a big one for our family.

My youngest son is heading off to a half-day STEM camp—something he’s been talking about with excitement for weeks. It’s four days of hands-on learning, experiments, and fun, and I know it’s going to light him up. But here’s the thing: I won’t be the one dropping him off or picking him up. Not even once.

That same Monday, I’m stepping into the first day of a new job at a new organization—one I’m incredibly excited about. A new mission. A new team. A new chapter for me professionally. The timing is what it is.

This summer, I was able to take my oldest son to and from his baseball camp every day. I showed up at the field with snacks and sunscreen, snapping photos, asking about drills, celebrating big plays. So of course, there’s a part of me that feels like I’m giving my youngest less.

Even though we’ve had age-appropriate conversations to prepare him—he knows why I can’t go, and that I wish I could—I’ve been sitting with a quiet kind of sadness. A little guilt in the background that whispers, “You should be there. You were there for the other one. You’re already dropping the ball, and the new job hasn’t even started yet.”

If you’ve ever tried to wear multiple hats at once—mother, leader, spouse, student, daughter, friend—you probably know that voice. It’s the one that holds you hostage to impossible expectations. The one that says love = presence = perfection = 100% at all times.

But here’s what I’m learning: I’m not failing. I’m adapting. And more importantly—we’re adapting together.

Presence Looks Different in Different Seasons

The truth is, I won’t be physically present during the camp days. But I will be emotionally present each night. I’ll ask what he learned. I’ll listen to the details. I’ll make sure he knows his voice matters and his stories matter. And honestly? That kind of connection—the kind built on curiosity and intentional time—is something that will outlast any photo opp in the parking lot.

As working moms, we often believe we’re supposed to match what we’ve done before to prove our love is equal. But love isn’t a formula. It’s flexible. It’s responsive. It’s shaped by season, circumstance, and growth.

When we let go of the myth of perfect balance, we make space for something better:
Alignment. Alignment with our values. Alignment with what each person—including ourselves—needs in this moment.

Let’s Talk About the Guilt

Mom guilt is real. But it doesn’t have to run the show.

When guilt creeps in, I’ve started asking myself this question: Is this guilt coming from love, or from unrealistic expectations?

Because love leads to action. But unrealistic expectations lead to burnout, shame, and a never-ending cycle of feeling like we’re not enough.

I’ve also started using a simple mantra that’s been grounding me in this transition:

“I don’t have to give 100% to everything. I give what’s needed in this moment, and I trust that it’s enough.”

Sometimes what’s needed is a meeting. Sometimes what’s needed is a bedtime chat. Sometimes what’s needed is rest. And all of those things are worthy and meaningful.

Create Your Own Mantra (And Why It Matters)

Mantras aren’t magic words—but they do help rewire our inner narratives. They’re small truths we speak to ourselves to shift perspective and disrupt perfectionism.

If mine resonates, feel free to borrow it. If you need your own, try one of these reflection prompts to get started:

  • What am I learning about myself in this season?
  • What do I need to hear when I’m feeling inadequate?
  • What truth can replace the guilt I’m carrying?
Need inspiration? Here are a few tools and articles that have helped me:
  • Brené Brown on “The Gifts of Imperfection” – especially her writing about letting go of “supposed to.”
  • TendLab’s “Working Parent Resources” – a research-backed platform for supporting parents at work and at home.
  • Mel Robbins (my far-away mentor) speaks to Jesse, her colleague and upcoming first-time mom, about guilt as a working mom and how to deal with that here at 37:24. She emphasizes the difference between “destructive guilt” and “productive guilt”. (Language warning)
A Call to Other Women Like Me

If you’re in a season of transition, if you’re balancing competing priorities, if you’re feeling the tug of guilt in one direction and opportunity in another—you’re not alone.

You don’t have to do it all to be doing enough.
You just have to keep showing up, aligned with what matters most to you.

So here’s your invitation:

Write your own mantra. Speak it out loud. Tape it to your mirror. Share it with your partner, your kids, your team. Let it be the rhythm that steadies you.

And if you have one already? Share it. You never know who else might need those exact words today.

We’re all learning how to let go of guilt and hold on to grace. Let’s keep showing up for ourselves and each other—one moment at a time.

Amber is a new writer with Plaid. You can learn more about her here.