It was November 2014. I walked in to the room because I only had one month left to keep my promise to myself. Back in January I made a resolution to join a Toastmasters club. 11 months later….I still had not joined.
Dreams
My dream was to become a motivational speaker and author. Well, to be a speaker, I probably needed to do some speaking. To be a writer, it might help if I was doing any writing. Solution = Toastmasters.
I wasn’t so much nervous as I just felt inadequate. I was being criticized at work and then when I came home I would get more of the same from my fiancé. I was stuck in this awful self-esteem cycle whereby I didn’t really feel like I had much value. Therefore, I attracted more people into my life that reinforced the notion. Something had to change. That night, it did, but not in the way I expected.
That night, I walked into the room thinking that everyone there was better than me. My insecurity was a blanket, covering everything I did. It was a best friend, my longest friend, participating in every activity. It affected my work and it affected my relationships. I took what life dished out, never asking for more, never questioning the belief that I didn’t deserve any better.
Until
Until I started getting applause, until I started winning awards. Until I started having leaders see the potential in me, encourage me, and challenge me.
Toastmasters is where I found my voice, my authentic self, my value, and, of course, my confidence. I started to walk a little straighter. Enthusiasm started coming back into my life. I quit my job and then I quit my fiancé. (I lost 300 lbs that day! Best weight loss program ever!)
I saw women who were alone – and happy, women who were in marriages – and happy. I saw women who were mothers – and happy, women who were in business – and happy. Whoever I wanted to be, I had an example of how to find happiness in that life choice.
So here are my suggestions to you, based on my experience:
- Surround yourself with people who support you and give you positive reinforcement.
- Find something that you enjoy, where you excel, that will create in you a sense of pride.
- Make a concerted effort to be authentic. And make it a habit.
Authenticity
I think the first two are pretty self-explanatory. But the third is the most challenging, most important, and ultimately, the only one for which you have 100% control.
If someone asks you what you think of a movie, give your honest opinion. “It wasn’t my favorite. I would have liked it better if…”
If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, don’t do it because you feel obligated. “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but unfortunately I have to decline.” “No” is a complete sentence!
If you want to ask someone for something, but are afraid, do it anyway. “I have a request…”
If someone does something you don’t like, be honest. “I don’t like it when…” or “I feel…when…”
This is what it takes ladies. Find your people, find your thing, speak your truth (kindly). That’s how you build confidence!
Connect with Kim through her website, or LinkedIn, or find more articles here.
