When we think of confidence, we often picture someone who walks into a room with bold energy, clear opinions, and zero self-doubt. But what if that version of confidence isn’t the only one—or even the most authentic? What if confidence isn’t a fixed trait you either have or don’t have, but a relationship you build with yourself over time? For many of us, especially women socialized to prioritize others’ needs or approval, confidence can feel elusive. We may associate it with perfection, certainty, or being effortlessly “on” all the time. That’s not confidence—it’s performance.
Real confidence is quieter. It’s not about knowing all the answers. It’s about trusting that, even if you don’t know right now, you can handle what comes next. It’s a steady internal relationship rooted in self-trust. Confidence isn’t a spotlight moment. It’s a slow burn, shaped by how we speak to ourselves, how we make decisions, and how we show up in everyday moments—especially the hard ones. You don’t need to overhaul your life or become someone different. You can start building confidence in small, meaningful ways—right where you are.
Keep Tiny Promises to Yourself
Confidence grows when you become someone you can count on. That doesn’t mean doing everything perfectly. It means choosing one or two small commitments—like taking a five-minute walk after lunch, turning your phone off before bed, or pausing before you say “yes” to something—and following through. These tiny moments build trust with yourself. That trust becomes the foundation of confidence, even when life feels uncertain or overwhelming.
Talk to Yourself Like Someone You Love
We often speak to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to a friend—or even a stranger. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. If it’s critical, rushed, or dismissive, try softening it. Imagine how you’d respond to a child learning something new, or a friend trying something brave. Offer yourself the same compassion. Kindness isn’t fluff—it’s fuel for confidence. You might be surprised by how deeply your inner tone affects your outer confidence. A gentle, encouraging voice on the inside creates space for bolder steps on the outside.
Let Uncertainty Be a Companion, Not a Threat
Confidence isn’t the absence of doubt. It’s being willing to keep showing up with doubt in the room. That might look like asking a question even if you’re afraid of sounding silly, applying for a new role even if you’re not sure you’re “ready,” or saying “no” when it would be easier to just go along. Every time you show up in the presence of uncertainty, you strengthen your relationship with yourself. You’re saying, “I may not have everything figured out, but I trust myself enough to try. Confidence grows when we stop waiting to feel ready and start honoring our readiness to grow.
You Already Have What You Need
Confidence doesn’t live in a title, a weight, a wardrobe, or a certain personality type. It lives in the daily ways you relate to yourself—with consistency, compassion, and courage. So, the next time you hear that little voice saying, “Who do you think you are?”—try answering it with curiosity instead of shame. Ask, “Who am I becoming?” And remind yourself: confidence isn’t something you earn. It’s something you tend to. Like any relationship, the one you have with yourself needs care, time, and trust. But it’s one of the most important—and most powerful—relationships you’ll ever have.
Find more from Jamie here.
