Growing up, I’d often hear people reference “The Change” like it was some ominous, unstoppable disease or illness that happens to women when they get old. I knew it had something to do with your cycle ending, maybe having a few hot flashes. I had heard some talk about their grandmas going little crazy, turning into raging lunatics that everyone was afraid to set off. I thought it happened in your 60’s or 70’s, when you didn’t really need your uterus anymore. I thought that not having a period anymore sounded pretty fantastic. Maybe you get a little grumpy, but that’s worth it to not have to deal with that beast every month. I’ve never been more sorry to be more wrong about anything in all my 46 years!
It’s Everywhere
You may have noticed that Menopause is having her moment! She is EVERYWHERE and everyone, from Halle Berry to Gwyneth Paltrow, is talking about her. Drew Barrymore had her first hot flash live on the air of her daily talkshow. Naomi Watts even wrote a book about her experience, having started her menopause journey at age 36! Looking back now, I believe the first signs of it started for me in my late 30’s and early 40’s. I would wake up around 3am not be able to get back to sleep. I didn’t know it then, but these were the first tell-tell signs of Perimenapause.
I find it equally fascinating and infuriating that, as women, we are given a lesson in school about puberty, our changing bodies, and our menstrual cycles, but NO ONE teaches us anything about Menopause. My own mother had a hysterectomy when I was in high school, so she had no insight on the matter. At the very least, I’d like to hope that my OBGYN would have the info. That the person trained to take care of my health as a woman would know what to expect for the second half of their patients lives. Well guess what, no one has been teaching the doctors either. But before I get too far ahead of myself, let’s get clear on what these words even mean.
Menopause
Let’s start with Menopause. Technically, Menopause is one day on the calendar. When you have not had a menstrual cycle in exactly one year, that day is when you would be officially labeled as being in menopause from a medical standpoint. The days, weeks, years and months prior to that date are considered Peri-menopause and everything after that date is considered Post-menopause. So how do I know when Perimenopause has started? Well, that is the million dollar question.
According to the Mayo Clinic, the average age for Menopause is 51, but the range is anywhere between 40 and 50 years old. And perimenopause can start showing up 10 years prior to our final menstrual cycle. That means that some women start dealing with symptoms as early as their 30’s! I had NO IDEA it could start that young! What in the actual heavens!?
Perimenopause
As women, we are all born with all the eggs we will have for life at birth. Our ovaries have a set number of eggs and once we begin menstruation, we lose at least one egg every month, until we finally begin to run out of eggs and our cycles and our hormones become much more erratic and irregular. This is what generally triggers and is considered the beginning of Perimenopause. I call her “Perry”. (Thank you Kim Holderness!)
I like to think of Perry as Menopauses evil step sister. She’s that girl who always shows up to parties more than an hour early and just stands around, eating all the snacks, chatting your head off while you’re trying to finish getting ready, cook the food and clean up after the crumbs she’s leaving all over the floor! She’s oblivious to the trouble she’s causing you and she certainly isn’t there to help! She wasn’t really even invited, but heard about your party and just invited herself! You didn’t even know she was coming, but here she is and you can’t just kick her out, so you have to pivot and learn how to deal with her.
Some Symptoms
Here are just a handful of things from the LONG list of symptoms that Perry brings to the party. The most common are things like hot flashes, night sweats and sleep disturbance. But things like joint pain, heart palpitations, itchy ears, dry skin, hair loss, brain fog, anxiety/depression, weight gain that won’t move no matter what you try, libido and sexual changes, like vaginal dryness and pain are just some of the contraband that Perry might show up with! Like WHAT? I’d like my period back please and thank you!
I think the biggest sign for me, besides the weight gain and trouble sleeping, were the mood swings. I had dealt with the occasional PMS over the years, but I’d never experienced the pure rage that would come almost out of nowhere and often over something so small and trivial that it would stop me in my tracks. This was so much more than I’d ever tried to manage before. I wanted to rip out the throats of my coworkers and sometimes even my own family! Who was this woman and how in the world can I tame her back into to someone I recognized?
Getting Help
Enter Dr. Mary Claire Haver. I happened across her on Instagram a few years ago and she started describing so many of the things that I had been experiencing. When she tied it all back to menopause, I was like- “No way! I’m too young for it to be that!” But this sent me down a rabbit hole of research. I was determined to feel more like myself again and gain some control over my symptoms.
Dr. Haver is a board certified OBGYN. She is very honest about the gaps in her own education, as well as the gaps in the medical field regarding menopause and women’s health as a whole. She has written several books, and has her own line of supplements. She offers free fat loss programs to target the visceral fat that seems to take up permanent residence around our midsections. I will link several of her resources at the end of this article. She is a wonderful resource!
Do Your Own Research
Thankfully, after doing my own research, having lots of bloodwork done and meeting with lots of different doctors, I feel like I’ve created a regime that is working pretty well for me. Now, keep in mind it feels like a car that is constantly needing a tune up. I have to check for the engine light all the time. I am super in tune with my body and do my best to listen to her and give her what she needs. For some it might look like HRT or Hormone Replacement Therapy. For others it might look like a more homeopathic path. Every woman’s experience and needs are totally unique.
I truly feel for women who have faced this transition in the past and were told to simply get more exercise and put on an antidepressant and sleeping pills. The sad truth is that many OBGYN’s will still tell you the same things. They’ve had little to no teaching on the subject and oftentimes tell their patients they are too young or only offer one basic solution.
Be Your own Advocate
If you don’t learn anything else from this article, please hear this: You MUST be your biggest advocate. Don’t settle for the status quo and don’t accept no for an answer. Do your research, get second and third opinions. If you try something and don’t get the results you need, then try something else.
You do not need to suffer in silence. There is an ever growing community of women determined to walk through this transition with not only grace but more importantly the power to come out thriving on the other side. Know that you are not alone and that there are ways to get the help that you need. I’ve linked not only a few helpful resources, but also some places to find joy and laughter in the midst of what can feel like a very scary and lonely stage.
We are always better when we’re in it together!
Resources
Favorite’s to Follow:
Books to Read:
Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I’d Known About Menopause by Naomi Watts
The Menopause Manifesto: Own Your Health with Facts and Feminism by Dr. Jen Gunter
When you need a laugh:
Podcasts:
Mel Robbins with Dr. Mary Claire Haver
A little bit of everything: Midi is a healthcare provider for middle aged women. This link gives you a little bit of everything we discussed together today! Enjoy!
Check out more about Michelle on Plaid.
