When we think about bravery and boldness, we tend to picture the big moments — quitting the job, starting the business, speaking up in the meeting, walking onto the stage, making the decision everyone else thinks is crazy. I wonder if some of the bravest decisions we make are much quieter than that.
Sometimes bravery is simply knowing who you are—and being willing to make decisions that honor that person. Dolly Parton built an extraordinary career doing exactly that. Behind the rhinestones, big hair and unmistakable personality is a woman who has repeatedly demonstrated something many of us spend a lifetime learning: You can appreciate what has brought you this far without allowing it to determine where you go next.
The Courage to Leave
Early in Dolly’s career, Porter Wagoner gave her an incredible opportunity. In 1967, she joined The Porter Wagoner Show, and their partnership introduced her to a much larger audience. They recorded successful duets, toured together, and became one of country music’s most recognizable partnerships. It was great. Eventually, Dolly knew it was time to leave.
She wanted to build a solo career. Porter didn’t want their professional partnership to end. Dolly was grateful to him. She cared about him. And still, she knew she needed to go. When conversations didn’t adequately communicate what she wanted to say, Dolly wrote a song. “I Will Always Love You” became her goodbye.
There’s something profoundly brave about being able to hold two truths at the same time: I am grateful for what you have given me. And I cannot stay. Women can sometimes confuse gratitude with obligation. Someone gave us an opportunity, so we feel we owe them our continued loyalty. An organization believed in us, so leaving feels disloyal. A relationship was once exactly what we needed, so admitting it no longer fits feels ungrateful. Gratitude doesn’t require us to stay where we no longer belong.
Sometimes the very thing that helped us become who we are has prepared us to move beyond it.
The Courage to Be Seen
Then there is the unmistakable Dolly image. The hair. The makeup. The clothes. The rhinestones. Dolly has never seemed particularly interested in becoming someone else’s version of what a successful woman should look like. That’s especially interesting because she has always seemed to understand exactly how people perceive her. She knows people sometimes underestimate the woman underneath all that sparkle. She always let them. There is an incredible freedom in that.
How much energy do we spend managing other people’s perceptions of us? We want to appear intelligent—but not intimidating; confident—but not arrogant; strong—but still approachable; professional—but still authentic. We edit. We soften. We explain. We prove. Sometimes we even shrink.
Dolly’s life offers another possibility: Know who you are so well that someone else’s misunderstanding of you doesn’t require an immediate correction. That doesn’t mean we stop growing or become unwilling to receive feedback. It means we don’t hand everyone else the authority to define us. There is bravery in allowing yourself to be fully seen. And even more bravery in being misunderstood and remaining yourself anyway.
The Courage to Say No
Perhaps one of my favorite Dolly stories involves Elvis Presley. Elvis wanted to record “I Will Always Love You.” Imagine receiving that phone call. Elvis Presley wants to record your song. For a young songwriter, that could feel like the opportunity of a lifetime but there was a catch. Elvis’s manager, Colonel Tom Parker, wanted a significant portion of the publishing rights as part of the deal. Dolly said no. She has talked about how difficult that decision was. She wanted Elvis to sing her song. She was reportedly heartbroken over losing the opportunity. But she knew what those publishing rights were worth to her. So she held onto them.
Years later, Whitney Houston recorded “I Will Always Love You,” and her version became a worldwide phenomenon. It would be easy to look at what happened later and say Dolly obviously made the right choice. But bravery isn’t knowing how the story ends. Bravery is making the decision before you know how the story ends. It’s saying no when everyone around you would understand why you said yes. It’s recognizing that a big opportunity isn’t necessarily the right opportunity. It’s deciding there are some things you aren’t willing to give away—even for something you’ve dreamed about.
Sometimes boldness sounds like YES! And sometimes the boldest word in our vocabulary is no.
What Does Your Bravery Look Like?
Most of us will never negotiate publishing rights with Elvis Presley but we will have our own versions of these moments — the job that has been good to us but no longer fits; the role we’ve outgrown; the room where we find ourselves editing who we are so everyone else will be comfortable; the impressive opportunity that requires us to give away too much of ourselves to have it; the conversation we’ve been avoiding; the boundary we know we need to establish; the next chapter we can see—but haven’t quite found the courage to walk toward.
We tend to think bold women aren’t afraid. I don’t think that’s true. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear. And boldness isn’t always loud. Sometimes bravery looks like gratitude followed by goodbye. Sometimes it looks like rhinestones and refusing to become more acceptable. Sometimes it looks like turning down Elvis. Sometimes it simply looks like a woman deciding she trusts herself enough to take the next step.
So perhaps the question isn’t: Am I brave enough? Perhaps the better question is: What would I do differently if I trusted myself enough to be bold?
Connect with Michele on LinkedIn or read more of her articles on Plaid.
