The moment was magical and led down a path that neither of us anticipated. My client, I’ll call her Stephanie, was a successful and admired insurance professionals in our city. We met for a quiet Friday afternoon lunch that extended into early evening, unwinding from a brutal week, finding relief from the pressure until Monday morning.
Authenticity
The peaceful energy of the environment—the food, the drink and the music—permeated our minds, shifting the conversation away from business. Taking a deep dive into a gut-level, heart talk, Stephanie revealed her primary work-week struggle. Her home life suffered immensely because she poured out all of herself at the office. This left no energy to connect conversationally with another human. When she finally dragged herself home Friday evening, the solitude and silence required to decompress took a toll on her family life.
We drank a toast to the weekend, and I laughed nervously to hide my surprise. I assured her that no one would suspect this stressful struggle from her. She showed up everywhere, always upbeat, positive, intelligent, in charge, life of the party—the one we all aspired to be. She had mastered the game and discovered the secret of drawing energy from the demands that were so draining for many other women. Right?
Tables Turned
Without explanation, Stephanie simply turned the spotlight onto me. “Wherever you’ve seen me, Gail, you were there also.” Hmm. I stopped to think. Then she described that others saw me as the “queen” of the local insurance community. I worked for the premiere company where very few women stayed long enough to rise into management or secure the Vice President title. At industry events, she saw me as positive, upbeat, life of the party, etc. Then she asked the question, “Doesn’t it squeeze all the juice out of you? Is what I see the real you?”
Of course I was drained. The corporate world is toxic to all human life forms. I could not show up as my most authentic self and succeed. I held my breath and performed as required in order to obtain what I wanted. Connecting with other women, like Stephanie, afforded me a place—a little enclave within the corporate arena where I could breathe. Within these relationships I became the real me.
Upgraded Understanding
As we sat reveling in the upgraded understanding of ourselves, she pivoted again and told me about her real passion, her hobby – art. Learning that I had just moved into a new home, she asked me to host an art show for her. She would bring the art, the music, the wine and the cheese. I would provide the venue and the guests. My client who always seemed excited about insurance, was now absolutely glowing. Yes, I like art, also. I’m in. Let the planning begin!
On a designated Friday we both took off from our “day jobs”. That evening she showed up at my home with art, easels, folding chairs, DJ, bartender and charcuterie. She positioned art on easels throughout, and I allowed certain pieces to be hung on the walls. The DJ infused the air with smooth jazz as the people came: family, friends, clients, fellow members of my church and civic organizations. The atmosphere was electric, energizing and enjoyable. We hated to see the evening end.
As she began packing up, my husband – totally enchanted by it all, cried out, “This can’t all go!” Amused, Stephanie replied, “None of it has to go, big guy. You can purchase it all!” And I silently prayed, “God please don’t let him do that.” We kept our favorite pieces. Three in particular are destined to become part of our family legacy passed on to some worthy great, great grandchild who isn’t even born yet.
Passion
Payment for this rather sizable, unexpected purchase was the last part of the discussion. Having recently moved into our home, our funds were depleted, except for a few bucks that were earmarked for furniture and necessities. Stephanie – always operating in calm, solution-oriented humor, reassured us, “Don’t sweat it. I know where you work. And I know that you’re due for a sizable bonus in April.” Like any great marketing professional, she knew me well—a little too well. However, she paved the path for us to agree on a deal. My husband and I made our selections, provided a reasonable down payment, and she provided an invoice for the payment due in April.
This episode from my past, highlights a newly discovered, personal revelation which represents a major mindset shift for me. Simply stated: “Find out what others are passionate about and make that your business. Then discover what you are passionate about and make that your hobby.” The corporate environment is always about someone else’s passion. It became the business, the job. But Stephanie found a passion, which became a hobby, a joy for herself and others and a source of additional income.
Resiliency
Concluding the discussion of authenticity, I recognize resiliency as an indispensable component. The business world, especially the corporate arena, is by nature toxic. Everyone steps in as a player in a game, or a runner in a race. (You know, the rat race!) There we encounter plans, projects, people and persecution that will leave us feeling devalued. No one escapes. No one can be totally real in a negative, demotivating environment. But with practice and perseverance, we can use this vehicle to gain experience, education and earnings which will support the dreams of our lives.
At times I wore an actor’s mask and played the role required of me. At times I wore a gas mask to support breathing noxious air. But as Stephanie and I discovered one Friday afternoon, peace, and energy come by creating a space within the business world where the masks come off and the true, authentic selves are set free. In this manner, empowered women connect and collaborate to build life-giving authenticity in self and others.
Connect with Gail on her website or read more from her on Plaid.
