It’s the Golden Rule, Duh.
Christianity: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12.
Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. Udana-Varga 5,1
Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary. Talmud, Shabbat 3id
1. Say Yes and Keep Saying Yes. “Can I bring him back late?” “Will you pack her Christmas dress?” “Can I trade days?” Say yes every time. Always know what your decree or other order requires but then always say yes. Don’t say, “yes if you will do x, y, z.” You can’t make someone else be kind. You can only make sure you are kind. Look for these opportunities because your kids are watching and will notice. Just say yes. Maybe smile a little too.
2. Buy the other parent a gift from your child. This is such a cheap and easy way to show the other parent you acknowledge and support the relationship between your child and his or her mother or father. If you want halos or you are an overachiever, also buy your co-parent’s significant other a present. Think Julia Roberts in Step Mom.
3. Follow your child’s lead on Christmas/Hanukkah. If your child wants mom to come to lunch but its not her day, invite her! If your son wants to see what his father got in his stocking, drive him by his dad’s house.
4. Include other half and step siblings in all traditions. Every child wants to be equal to their siblings and every child wants love from the mother and father, grandmother and grandfather figures in the homes they live in. All traditions should be evenly shared among the children. Tell your parents to bring a gift for your step son and to make sure if there is a family day planned to see Santa, that it’s scheduled around your step child’s visitation day. The only qualifier should be that the child is a child, not that the child belongs to so and so or doesn’t belong to so and so. Remember that halves and steps are terms and types of relationships children learn. Remember to show them that “halves” and “steps” are like “cool” and “fun”.
5. Take a family photo. Not photo of your family. Take a photo of your child’s family. Who are important to him? Who is his mimi, her sisi, his mommy, her other mommy, his big brother…? Let that picture be his family photo he shares at school. Show him his family tree and how many people he belongs to. You have plenty of photos of your family, but does your child have one photo of everyone in HER family?
It is the best policy to follow these suggestions. Sometimes it means setting aside anger to be a great and loving mom. As your step child grows up, they will come back to you and thank you for all your sacrifices. I know because my step daughter did exactly that. I feels really good to hear that you are appreciated.
Thank you for sharing this.