Let’s talk about confidence. Or more specifically, where it disappears to every time you’re asked to “briefly introduce yourself.”

Seriously—confidence is the mysterious guest that shows up strong when you’re giving advice to your best friend but ghosting you when it’s your turn to speak in a meeting. One minute you’re writing a genius email. The next minute you’re rereading it twelve times, asking someone, “Does this sound too direct? Too vague? Too me?”

If you’ve ever found yourself pep-talking in the mirror, speed-walking into a networking event whispering “you belong here” under your breath, or questioning everything because you didn’t get an immediate reply to your email—you’re in excellent company.

The Myth of “She’s Just So Confident”

You’ve seen her. The woman who walks into the room like she was born for the stage. She’s not sweating through her blouse or wondering if her use of an exclamation point was “too much.”

And yet, what we don’t see are the 47 drafts she wrote before sending that proposal. Or the nerves she had before walking into that meeting. Or the full-blown identity crisis she had last Thursday in the Target parking lot.

Confidence isn’t something you have—it’s something you build, like IKEA furniture (often confusing, sometimes wobbly, but still standing).

So How Do You Strengthen It?

Glad you asked.

1. Do It Scared

Confidence isn’t the prerequisite. It’s the result. Most of the time, you don’t feel ready until after you do the thing—ask for the raise, submit the proposal, raise your hand in the meeting. The trick? Do it anyway. Fear can ride shotgun, but it doesn’t get to drive.

2. Name Your Inner Critic

Give that nagging voice in your head a name. Mine’s called Nettie. She means well but thinks “maybe we should wait until we’re more qualified.” (Nettie, hush.) When you name her, you create distance. You don’t have to believe everything she says.

3. Keep Receipts

Start a “Confidence Folder.” Screenshots of nice emails. Wins you tend to forget about. That one time you solved a problem nobody else could. When self-doubt starts shouting, open the “Confidence Folder” up. Facts don’t lie.

4. Borrow Belief

Sometimes, your confidence comes from remembering what someone else saw in you. A boss, a mentor, a friend. Until your own belief catches up, borrow theirs.

5. Celebrate Awkward Tries

Confidence isn’t polished. It’s messy. It’s trying, failing, learning, and laughing at yourself a little. You grow it every time you speak up when it’s uncomfortable or say “yes” before you’re 100% sure you can pull it off.

Let’s Be Real

No one is confident all the time. Even the most impressive, composed women you know have had “What am I even doing?” moments this week. Maybe this morning.

But the women who strengthen their confidence? They show up anyway. They ask the question. They go for the opportunity. They do the thing—even if their hands are shaking.

So the next time confidence tries to hide behind your to-do list, just remember: you don’t have to feel 100% ready.

You just have to show up anyway.

What’s one area this week where you’ll choose courage—even if confidence hasn’t caught up yet?

Connect with Michele on LinkedIn or read more of her articles on Plaid.