The most influential negotiator that helps you achieve your absolute best life is the one inside your head.

Let’s face it, we all negotiate with ourselves. You are familiar with that voice inside your head that you war with, that perpetuates all that is familiar and habit. Your inside negotiator tells your old story to justify the behavior you ultimately want to change.

“Don’t bargain yourself down before you get to the table.”- Carol Frohlinger

The trick to using your inside negotiator for the good is to know what you want. Be assertive with your desires and go after what you want. Refuse to let the negotiator in your head talk you out of achieving your goals because it is different from how you normally behave.

Challenging the negotiator in your head is the way forward to achieving your new goals. At every decision, take the time to challenge your inside negotiator. Take the time to verify whether your chosen behavior is a habit and familiar or will it propel you toward your new goals and achievements.

Sometimes, the challenge is to sit quietly so you can be aware of your inside negotiator’s voice. When you are quiet and you pay attention to your intuition, you will be directed to act in your best interest- all you have to do is tune in to yourself and listen.

“We’re fascinated by the words, but where we meet is in the silence behind them.”

–  Ram Dass

Changing your habits and the way you behave takes time and patience, it is not to be hurried. It is said that it takes about three months of doing something new, in a different way, to change old behavior to new behavior.

Be optimistic that you can be successful in negotiating a better you for yourself. If you expect more, you get more. Conversely, when you expect less or have low expectations, you won’t push yourself to become what you are trying to achieve.


Remind yourself why you are working towards achievement or a goal. Visualize the end result and keep your ‘eye on the prize.’ Celebrate small victories along the way, giving you the momentum you need to keep going.


Negotiating is about working with yourself to solve your challenges, make changes, promote and improve, and to learn.

Use these steps with your inside negotiator to achieve your goals?

  • Identify and focus on your goals or solutions
  • Be aware of the behavior and how it affects your outcome
  • Focus on the small improvements you can make that lead to the end result

I know from personal experience that understanding underlying beliefs and limiting behaviors can become the negotiator in your head that keeps you from being your best self.

“It is important for people to know that a simple change in mindset can become your own powerful negotiator for the kind of change that alters the course of your life, where certain freedom unfolds, giving way to becoming a creator instead of a victim.”- Rachael Graham