“Today, I choose to live with gratitude for the love that fills my heart, the peace that rests within my spirit, and the voice of hope that says all things are possible.”
I often look back over my life recounting the times when people have extended a helping hand in my time of need. This help has come in the form of words of encouragement, physically lending a hand, and often times, monetarily. In those moments, I have been on the receiving end and expressed my gratitude graciously. Though I was happy to have people extend themselves in my times of need, I often experienced a feeling of helplessness that I didn’t like. Looking back, I think that feeling may have partly been my ego, but for the most part, I believe that I felt that way because I knew I could do better. Deep inside, I knew that I was much better than the person I was. I remembered praying to God and asking that I no longer be the receiver, but to allow me to be a giver.
After many years of self-discovery, awareness, and growth, I am now experiencing the role of the giver. I realize now that in order for me to embrace the role of a giver, I needed to experience how it felt to be the receiver. As a receiver, I learned how to be a giver. These were dark times, but if I had not been in the position of need and had not felt what it was like to receive from both cheerful givers and reluctant givers, I probably would not have learned the importance of being a cheerful giver. I often think of a friend that I would ask to borrow sums of money from. She would always respond cheerfully and send me the money, no questions asked. I remember saying to myself, “I want to give just like her.” Today, I still model her attitude whenever someone asks for my help. I freely and cheerfully give of myself.
I can honestly say that I am genuinely grateful for my dark times. It took each of those moments for the woman that God created me to be to take her rightful place. A seed has to be buried in the dirt to bloom into a beautiful flower. I am grateful for the fertile soil of insecurity, pain, doubt, and fear that I was planted in. It took that dirt, that soil, to cause me to push through. I would not be the virtuous woman I am today without the darkness. I am grateful.