How the Self-help Community is NOT Helping US

I know, it sounds like an oxymoron, that title. But watching, listening and reading various blurbs post-election reminded once more that those intending to enlighten us on our spiritual paths are sometimes keeping us in the dark. How so?

Like many on the planet following the most recent USA presidential election, I took to the internet to connect, understand and process my many and varied thoughts and feelings. So many times I was bombarded with the notion that I should focus only on ‘the love’. It was suggested that I send, feel, radiate and embody only love. And it only left me feeling hostile, unseen and unheard.

I most certainly embrace the notion that love was what the tumultuous situation needed but like many others, I wasn’t there yet. I resented the seeming denial of all my other emotions. I was scared, sad, enraged, confused, hopeless and anxious. Nowhere could I find the love. I couldn’t find it because it was buried underneath the avalanche of other feelings, feelings that required my introspection, venting and processing before I could once more stand with an open heart. They demanded my time and attention and I willing gave it to them.

That isn’t to say that my goal was to stay stuck in the muck of anger, my intention was to return to a place of calm and clarity, but I was simply refusing to ignore what else I was experiencing. I knew those experiences had something to teach me, and bulldozing my way through it would get me nowhere in very short order.

Why?

Let me ask you this: Have you ever felt angry, expressed that anger to another and been told, ‘You have nothing to be angry about,’ or ‘Your anger is only hurting you. Let it go,’? And how did you feel after those wise words were shared with you? Chances are, you felt even more livid, or at the very least intent on staying pissed off for as long as you damn well pleased.

What wasn’t offered in the scenario above is validation, the sense that another heard your emotions and needs. And being heard and seen is what each one of us craves. Others don’t necessarily have to agree with us, though we do enjoy the reciprocity, but only acknowledge our feeling and sharing. “Wow, I can tell you’re really ticked off,” goes a long way to allowing us to release our grasp on what we deem the most unpleasant feelings.

Which takes us back to the title of this post.

What I would like the self-help community, of which I am a part, to offer is the green light for others to healthfully express the more uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. Express them in a fashion that is not attacking or hurtful to another with the intention of creating a flow. The flow will eventually (there is no time limit) release the mental chattering and clutter so that in time our place of center and calm can be seen and felt, and it is there that we can find the love.

It is my belief that we are on this planet Earth for a human experience. Part of that human experience is the vast amount of feelings offered to us. We do ourselves and others a disservice by not offering permission to be human. So I say, permission granted.

Be well and happy.

My memoir: http://tinyurl.com/relentlessbyspringer