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Do You Recognize Me?

Carol Leeth
By Carol Leeth

If you ran into a friend you hadn’t spoken to in 20 years, would they see a difference? I don’t mean in your physical appearance, but rather would they recognize in you the person they once knew? I have wondered this about myself because I have always struggled to see my own growth. I still sometimes feel like that awkward kid that does everything wrong or is too hyper or can’t stay focused. But then again, I don’t feel like that much anymore either.

During this stay-at-home order I have taken on a lot of projects. The most notable one is painting most of the interior of my house WHITE. Most of you are now thinking, “What’s the big deal? My house is white.” The big deal is there has not been a white or neutral wall in my house since 2003. I love to paint and I love color! So when I told my husband I wanted to paint the living room white, he thought I was kidding. Then I did and I loved it and I kept going. We have laughed at the anticipated reactions of friends when they are able to come over in the, hopefully, near future.

As I have soaked in the calmness that the new color brings, I have sincerely asked myself why. Why did I always have bright colors on the walls? Why, now, do I want everything white? What has changed?

While I contemplated the last several years of my life, I recognize chaos and clutter in my mind. I talked with my husband and he was shocked that he hadn’t noticed the connection.

Recently, I have been working through a book to focus my mind on the truths of who I am rather than the lies and the wounds of my past. It has been an amazing journey, finding protection and love from God has been with me when I thought I was fighting life on my own. This walk through my memories has cleared and calmed my mind like never before. I feel refreshed and confident in who I was made to be.

So the act of painting my house white is a huge deal! It is an outer manifestation of an inner peace that God has grown in me over the last several years. Each time I sit in a room to relax, I am reminded that I am a work in progress, but I see the growth all around me, as well as within.

If I ran into someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in the last 20 years, would they recognize me? I really hope not. All I see in my life tells me I am different. I am better than who I was. I am changing as God intended, as He is changing me.

Can you see yourself growing?

Photo by Agnieszka Boeske on Unsplash

Carol Leeth
Carol loves hiking, writing, and creating memories with her family. She dreams of living in the mountains while, in reality, spends her days in the Oklahoma plains. She spends her time in the throws of life, homeschooling her three boys...Read More
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