Money — a green slimy monster that slips away underneath the door when you are trying to get your hands on it, grabs you by the throat when you try to manage it, and abandons you unexpectedly when you start to get familiar with it. Money. I had no idea that was my picture of money until I became a single income household.

My earliest memories of money were the notion that there is never enough, coupled with the unspoken belief that having money indicates you sold your soul to the devil. In adulthood that translated to, “It doesn’t matter what my paycheck says. I’m not here for a paycheck — looking at or even expecting a paycheck dishonors the call on my life.” I know you are laughing, so I’m I.  Unfortunately, that was my truth — embedded deep within me. You have your own truth buried deep within you. The lies that grew out of mine:

  • I can’t make money and that makes me holy in some way.
  • My work is not monetarily valuable and that’s okay.
  • I’m getting everything I need from this fulfilling work. I don’t need money.
  • I’m going to need to be dependent on someone else for money.

Remember these are all lies that formed quietly within me about money. I was completely unaware of them until I picked up the book, The Art of Money, by Bari Tessler.

Money is not a monster, it’s a tool. WHAT?!?! I use all kinds of tools without vilifying them — car, computer, paper, pen, books, videos, screw driver, social media, bags, smart phone, jars, oils, vitamins, cups, glasses, paper towels, cleaning solution, make up, cards, hammers, water, desk, chairs. Never once do I think they are monsters or queens, for that matter, just tools. Money is a tool.

Alongside this shift in my understanding of money, is a shift regarding my own value. I am valuable, not just needed. What I offer has great monetary value. I will no longer be devalued by underpayment. This has been a process. It didn’t just happen in three sentences. First, I had to unearth what was buried and then look at it for a long time. Second, I had to admit out loud what had been true in the secret places. Finally, I started to see that my truths were complete lies. Now, I’m working on replacing those lies with THE truth.

Until both of these shifts take place — my view of money and my view of my own value, my relationship with money will not shift. It will still be something that threatens me and eludes me. The shocking part, I/ME/MYSELF have created and feed this monster.

What money monster have you created?

How are you feeding it?

What do you want to do about it?