Letting Go of Control

Finding Emotional Balance in the Identity Juggle

I wear many hats. CEO. Mom. Wife. Organizer. Leader. Student of life. After our biggest fundraiser ever at work (a record-breaking success, by the way!), I thought I’d feel relief. But instead, the weight of what comes next hit me.

I worry. Am I doing enough? At home? At work? With my boys? With my husband? I feel like I fail everywhere. My inner voice whispers: If I don’t control this, it all falls apart.

I grew up in chaos. So, control feels safe. Order feels like protection. But chasing control drains me.

I know now that control is not emotional regulation. It’s a trap.

My Trigger: Self-Worth Tied to Control

When I feel out of control, I start believing I am not enough.
When I juggle too much, I panic: what if I let people down?
When tasks pile up, anxiety creeps in.
I want to fix everything. Fix everyone. Fix me.

That pressure makes me cranky, tired, and sometimes harsh with myself or others.

I recently decided to get organized. I made a chore chart for the boys and my husband. I began clearing clutter in my office and business space. I planned a refresh before the holiday break. I mapped systems for school, work, and home. All to restore a sense of order.

But even as I do these things, I remind myself: control is not the goal.

The Turning Point: Let Them, Let Me

Last Christmas, I read Mel Robbins’ book The Let Them Theory.
The idea is simple but powerful: Let Them. Let Me.

Let Them do what they will.
Let Me decide how I respond.

I believed this so deeply that I tattooed “Let Them, Let Me” on my right wrist. Now, every handshake reminds me of the work inside.

Mel shows that we waste energy trying to control what others do.

She argues that true freedom comes when we stop managing others. And we start owning ourselves.

How I Use Emotional Regulation Through Self-Compassion

Here’s what emotional regulation looks like for me now:

Name what I feel.
When I sense that familiar tightness in my chest, I pause. I say to myself: I feel anxious because I believe I am failing.
Ask better questions.
I ask: Is this pressure real, or is it my fear talking? What can I release right now?
Practice self-compassion.
Instead of judging myself for not doing it all, I say: Of course, this is hard. Look at all you carry.
Lower the bar when I can.
The chore chart isn’t perfect. That’s okay.
The office refresh doesn’t need to be showroom-level. It just needs to feel better to me.
Let others in.
I let my husband and boys help, even if their way is messier than mine.
I let my team own their tasks instead of micromanaging.
I trust them, and I trust myself.

Why Let Them Theory Matters Right Now

When you juggle identities, letting go can feel reckless. But it’s not. It’s wisdom.

Letting go protects your energy.
Letting go creates space for what really matters. You’re not doing more, but being more.
Letting go is not giving up. It’s choosing what is worth keeping.

Mel Robbins’ theory gives permission. Permission to stop managing everyone else. To stop over-functioning. To stop absorbing responsibility that never belonged to us.

How You Can Try It, Too

Read The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.
Listen to her podcast solo episode on the theory.
Check out her 6 Ways to Use the Let Them Theory episode.
Pause when you feel triggered. Ask: What am I trying to control?
Practice self-compassion. Give yourself credit for what you do, and grace when you don’t do it all.