What do you think about when you think of confidence? Do you think it looks like fearlessness, or feeling bold and loud? I believe confidence is something else. It’s quieter, but solid. It’s about being authentic, resilient, and willing to grow. Moreover, confidence is something that can be cultivated within us.

Confidence and Joy

One of the places I learned about confidence might come from a somewhat unusual source. There’s a TED Talk by Emily Nagoski where she talks about confidence and joy. She’s a sex educator, and in this talk, she specifically discusses gaining confidence with your sexual self. I like to generalize her idea of confidence to apply to all aspects of life. (Side note—you can learn more about Emily Nagoski here—it’s worth your time, in my opinion.) She explains that confidence is knowing what is true, while joy is loving what is true.

Knowing What is True

What do you know to be true? Take a moment to consider this. Maybe even write it down. Start with a simple statement, such as, “I know that I enjoy talking to people.” Use this as a starting point and build momentum. Stretch yourself to list ten ideas, even if they seem simple. For example, “I have a heart for animals,” “I love the holiday season,” or “I am a good cook.” These are your steppingstones to understanding what is true about you.

Bring Authentic

Much like knowing what is true, being authentic is the next concept that builds confidence. This might mean adding something to your list that reveals your imperfections. Brené Brown wrote an amazing book several years ago, The Gifts of Imperfection, which I reread every few years and often gift to friends and loved ones. Embracing those imperfections—while it might seem counterintuitive—can increase your confidence. This is where your resilience, your ability to overcome challenges and setbacks, comes in. Embracing your willingness to grow, along with your innate resilience, truly leads to more confidence. This is where you can unlock the confidence that already exists within you. And once you do, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.

So start today—take that first step, however small. Your confidence is waiting to be unleashed.

Find more from Jamie here.