I was talking with a friend the other day about life and wondering about a lady I hadn’t spoken with for a while. Her response was not surprising when she said, “She feels like she is being judged and excluded by others…”
I wasn’t shocked because I have felt the same way many times. In fact, I have confronted people before asking why they were judging me, excluding me, or just being plain rude. I always got the same response, “I didn’t realize I was doing that!” Sometimes the behavior changed and other times it seemed to get worse. Who really knows if they were telling me the truth, but does it really matter? Is how they see me that important?
Perspective
After years of dealing with how I perceived others thoughts about me, I began asking myself why they were treating me this way, but with a renewed perspective. The why was no longer about them but about me. Why do I think they are treating me like this? What came out was all of my insecurities.
Then the light bulb came on! They didn’t know about these insecurities. They had no idea that I was self conscious in any of these areas. Yet, I believed they had some how read my mind and began talking about my issues behind my back?
Believing Lies
I believed the lies of being judged or gossiped about for years. I missed out on friendships that could’ve been great all because I believed the lie that I was so important and others were constantly looking down on everything I did.
This is the mindset many women deal with. But when I look around the room, I find the most intimidating women are really just self conscious, waiting for someone to say something kind to them. They are more concerned about how they are being perceived than seeing the same insecurities in others.
Confidence
Realizing this has, at times, boosted my confidence and allowed me to relax in social settings. Other times I forget. When I look around a room to see successful, powerful, wealthy women, I lower my chin and wonder how a stay-at-home homeschool mom can compete. How can I be worthy of their company?
We are all under our own stress, working through what is important in our lives. When I remember this, it gives me the confidence to look others in the eye, smile, and maybe say something kind. It helps me to push past the lie that everyone is looking down on me and I can see the successes in my own life.
Stop It!
I am reminded often of The Bob Newhart show. He played a psychiatrist speaking to a woman about her fears. The doctor looks at her and says he has two words to help. He proceeds to say “Stop It!”. He repeats the phrase to the woman’s shock. But sometimes I think it is that simple.
It is time to stop believing the lies that others are judging us. If you look around the room and think someone is giving you a dirty look or looking down on you, go talk to them. Say something kind and show interest in who they are. I bet you will find another woman lacking in confidence as much as you have and together you can begin to build one another up.
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