Your world is closing in on you as you escape into the never-ending synapses of the firing of your brain as fear grips you. “Am I going to die?” “Why me?”
I know my husband is beside me as I push him away. I need time to absorb, to feel the darkness surround me in search of whatever light I can find. Feelings of abandonment consumes me. For two weeks, I was self-absorbed no longer opening the door to others much less wanting to read the many cards that showed up in my mail box.
The nights were the worst!! My head would hit the pillow but not for long. My husband would find me alone in the dark unable to turn off all the thoughts that would not allow me to get the sleep I needed to function.
Finally, after two weeks, I came out of the exhaustive fog. I laid all the cards on the table and decided to fight, not run from fear, but meet it head on deciding, “Why not me?” I gave it all to God knowing it was out of my hands. Fear of dying can stop you from living NOW!
Fear is the most powerful emotion known to mankind. When it happens, a chemical reaction takes place as our heart rate increases and in some cases the fight or flight takes over, pumping oxygenated blood to our muscles. The adrenal glands go into over-drive as our brain is highjacked by chemicals. In some cases, it may turn us into a puddle unable to move.
A few years ago, I was a puddle as I hydroplaned into the back end of a semi-truck with my two children screaming, “Mommy, Mommy!” I had no control of my car, fearing the worst as we went into oncoming traffic. In the distance, I saw a car coming right at us! And then the most amazing thing happened. Instead of braking, the other car chose flight and floored it racing past us on the shoulder of the road. I could see his face as he drove by, grim with determination. His fearless action saved our lives!
In some cases, fear stops us from doing the one thing we need to do. It shows no mercy. We see it in the faces of battered women or abandoned children fearing for their lives or even divorce. It kills dreams, but it can wake you up if you are able to face it, letting faith be bigger than fear. FAITH AND FEAR DEMAND YOU BELIEVE IN THE SAME THING WITHOUT SEEING IT. YOU GET TO CHOOSE.
You cannot go through life unscathed by fear. It shows up when you least expect it, as you hold the phone to your ear as someone informs you your husband has been involved in a head on car collision or your Dad has a had a heart attack or the many other disasters that can and will occur in your journey of life. Fear can limit your options and serve as blinders or it can be your compass pointing you in the right direction.
I have learned one thing when I overcame my fear of dying. The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless you can become.