At the age of ten, I knew I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a journalist and report the news on television, but something happened. Self-doubt reared its ugly head. Instead of believing that I could, I found all the reasons why I could not.
Sadly, I did not have anyone that believed in me or my dream. I grew up in the mid-west in the 1980s when most people believed that you needed to find a good job – nothing too fancy, but a good paying job to work for twenty to thirty years, retire and get a pension. My first job out of high school was at AT&T as a customer service representative. My hourly pay was around $6 an hour and I remember how proud my mother was that I landed such a good job. AT&T was a good job to have at that time, but I was never happy. My career at AT&T lasted 3-years before I was fired. I knew that career was just not for me. Through the years, I tried many different occupations, but none could fill the emptiness I felt inside. I would start each job with great zeal but would soon find myself dreadfully unhappy. Writing would cross my mind, but I never believed that I could be a successful writer.
To be honest, I was afraid. I was fearful of failing at what I loved most and that was to be a writer. I took my talent and I buried it in the ground to protect it and to protect myself. If I kept my gift buried, I would not be hurt by someone rejecting me and my ability to write. However, each day that I refrained from writing, I experienced pain, hurt, and mental anguish because I continued to pursue things that I was not genuinely passionate about. During those times I experienced what the Bible refers to as gnashing of teeth. I was depressed. I lacked self-confidence in all areas of my life. My lack of passion professionally found its way into my personal life. It was as though a dark cloud followed me wherever I went. I moved from state to state, occupation to occupation looking for something that could only be found within.
It took an epiphany for me to let go of my fears and take my rightful place on this planet. I took out my pen and I began to write. With each stroke of the pen, I began shedding the layers of fear, self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, insecurity and self-sabotage. I was able to replace those self-defeating beliefs with self-love, confidence, security and the belief that I held the key and the power to manifest any dream. I began reading powerfully motivating books and listening to inspirational podcast and YouTube videos. I was careful to not allow any negativity to penetrate my soul. That meant that I had to be mindful of what I watched on television, listened to on the radio and, among all things, the kind of people I allowed in my life.
Only then was I able to move into my purpose. Having the confidence to follow my dream of writing taught me how to deal with self-doubt. I learned that it only took me taking one step to slowly overcome the unbelief that I harbored inside. When I finally unearthed my talent, polished it up and began utilizing it, more talents were granted to me. I am now a writer, author, podcast host and entrepreneur. The joy that I have in my heart is indescribable and I want this feeling, this happiness, to be felt by everyone.
That is my goal and my purpose. My dream of writing was not just for me, but to inspire and empower others to live a life of purpose, to live a life fulfilled. I believe that the key to overcoming self-doubt is to realize that what you are trying to do or trying to accomplish is not just for you, but for the betterment of all.
Photo by Kat Stokes on Unsplash