Let’s be honest.

When was the last time you felt 100% confident in everything you did?

I’ll wait.

Exactly!

Confidence is that elusive unicorn we all chase, but few of us catch. If you’ve ever shown up to a meeting, presentation, or event praying no one realizes you’re just winging it — welcome to the club!

Confidence can sometimes feel like a secret society. We see other women, looking all polished and poised, and think, “Well, they must have it all figured out.” But here’s a little insider info: most of them are just as nervous as we are. They’ve simply learned how to navigate the storm of self-doubt and come out the other side looking like they know what they’re doing.

How do we build confidence when sometimes it feels like we’re making it up as we go? Grab your iced tea, sit tight, and let’s break it down.

1. Own Your Awkward

I recently introduced myself at a table of women, “Hi, I’m Michele. I make it awkward.”

First things first: perfection is boring. Honestly, who wants to hear from someone who’s never made a mistake or stumbled over their words? There’s a reason why blooper reels are so entertaining! Our quirks and imperfections are what make us relatable. The next time we feel awkward in a situation, instead of shrinking away, let’s own it.

I once went to a networking event with lipstick on my teeth (classic, right?). I didn’t realize it until halfway through the night. Instead of panicking, I made a joke out of it, and you know what? It became a conversation starter! Everyone remembered me, and more importantly, they remembered me for being human, not perfect.

So, embrace the awkward moments. They don’t make us less confident—they make us more authentic.

2. Stop Asking for Permission

Do you ever find yourself waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay to go after what you want? (I see you nodding.) We’re often so conditioned to seek validation that we hold back until someone else gives us the green light. But here’s the thing: confidence doesn’t come from waiting for permission. It comes from deciding we belong here; we bring value.

I used to think I had to earn my place at the table. Then one day, I realized—nobody’s handing out invitations. Pull up a chair, sit down, and start bringing value like you belong there. Spoiler alert: you do.

3. Confidence Through Action

Here’s a not-so-secret secret: confidence isn’t some magical trait that’s bestowed upon a lucky few. It’s built by doing things—especially the hard, scary things. I’m not saying you have to leap out of your comfort zone and scale a mountain (unless that’s your thing, then go for it!), but it does mean pushing ourselves to take action, even when we’re not 100% ready.

Whether it’s speaking up in a meeting, leading a project, or going for a promotion—confidence grows when we act. Every small win adds to our confidence bank. Stop waiting to “feel” confident first and start doing the things that scare you a little. The confidence will catch up.

4. Be Your Own Hype Woman

I spent this past weekend with my 3-year-old granddaughter. There is so much to learn from 3 year olds. As she was coming out of the bathroom successfully navigate a commode too large for her and climbing steps to reach the hand-washing sink, she was saying, “Good job!” No one else was in the bathroom with her — just her and her own hype woman. Don’t you love it?!?

We’ve all got that little voice inside our heads. You know, the one that says, “Are you sure you can do this? What if you mess up?” That voice is like your overly cautious aunt who tells you to wear a sweater in 80-degree weather because, “You never know…”

Here’s what we need to do: Turn up the volume on our inner hype woman. She’s the one who reminds us of our strengths, our achievements, and how far we’ve already come. She’s the one who says, “You’ve got this!” Or “Good job!” whenever self-doubt creeps in.

And if you need a little extra help, here’s a fun tip: Write down 3-5 things you’re proud of—things you’ve accomplished, skills you’ve mastered, challenges you’ve overcome. Keep them handy, like in a note on your phone. When you’re feeling shaky, give it a read. Instant boost!

5. Surround Yourself with Confidence Builders

You know the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”? Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down. The right community can make all the difference in how we see ourselves. Confidence rubs off when we’re around those who encourage us to be bold and take risks.

If your current circle feels a little…meh, it’s time to find some new cheerleaders. Join a women’s group, attend events, or connect with others on LinkedIn. Come to the next Plaid Impact lunch.  There is one in downtown Fort Worth and one in South Arlington. Find the people who get you and want to see you succeed.

In the end, developing confidence isn’t about eliminating doubt. It’s about learning how to move forward with the doubt, trusting that we’ve got what it takes. The next time you’re about to step into a big moment, remember: Own your awkward, take action, and stop waiting for permission. Confidence is built through every step you take, even the wobbly ones. We’re all winging it sometimes.

You’ve got this!

 

Connect with Michele on LinkedIn or read more of her articles on Plaid.